Family Law And The Reality Of Ignored Children’s Voices

Today’s ABC News report on our family law system – Social and gender biases have bled into family law and child protection systems, family violence expert says – struck a deep chord with me.

It laid bare what so many of us have witnessed in practice for years—our current system is failing the children and families it’s meant to protect.

As I reflect on my own experience working in the legal sector, particularly with families in rural communities like the Yorke Peninsula, it’s clear that the system we rely on to safeguard children is broken.

Before reading on, please note that nothing in this article is singling out the courts and the professionals working within them. This is about the system and its desperate need for reform, which includes particular training for those working directly with children.

Voices Of Children Are Disregarded

Time and time again, the voices of children are disregarded, and all too often, mothers are blamed for ‘coaching’ their kids.

It’s an all-too-familiar story in my own practice. Recently, I had two cases that dragged on for over two years. Both involved children expressing a strong desire not to see their fathers, and in both cases, the children’s wishes were dismissed. The mothers were accused of manipulation, with experts claiming the only reason the children didn’t want contact was because their mothers had told them to say so.

In one case, a young girl was forced to attend a contact centre to see her father. This child was so distressed that she would throw up in the car on the way there, crying uncontrollably, and refusing to get out. Instead of recognising her trauma, the system doubled down, ordering reunification therapy between the child and the father. The mother was even asked to attend a session with the father, despite a previous family violence order prohibiting contact between the parents. This is not an isolated incident—these kinds of decisions are happening far too often.

The other case involved two young girls who repeatedly told a court-appointed expert that they did not want to spend time with their father. They even wrote letters, but the expert dismissed their wishes, accusing the mother of coaching them. The children would refuse to leave their bedrooms, vomit from anxiety, and break down in tears whenever a visit was scheduled. The independent children’s lawyer involved in the case, who had no training in family violence or child psychology, continued to support the court’s decision that the children should be forced to see their father.

Ignoring Children Is Heartbreaking And Traumatic

What we’re seeing is a consistent failure to listen to children or to respect their emotional well-being. It’s not only heartbreaking—it’s traumatic.

Children aren’t simply miniature adults; they’re vulnerable, developing people, and their trauma will stay with them well into adulthood. If we can’t protect our children from further harm, what are we doing as a society?

I acknowledge that family law is a delicate balancing act.

There are instances where false accusations of family violence are made, and no one wants a parent to lose access to their child on the basis of a lie.

But this is not the norm.

The vast majority of cases involve real risks, real trauma, and children who are being failed by a system that is not equipped to deal with their reality.

What strikes me most about this issue is the lack of training and expertise among those making decisions about children’s lives.

Any lawyer can act as an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL), regardless of whether they’ve had training in family violence or child development—or even if they’ve had children themselves!

We are allowing people with no relevant experience to assert opinions on children’s best interests. That’s unacceptable.

Our Family Court Needs An Overhaul

It’s clear that we need a complete overhaul of the family law system.

There must be mandatory, specialist training for those involved in deciding children’s futures, including Independent Children’s Lawyers (ICLs), psychologists, and even judges.

Training like the Safe & Together model, as highlighted by the ABC report, should be a baseline requirement.

We need to stop treating these situations as simple custody disputes and start recognising the complex emotional and psychological needs of children caught in the middle of family violence.

For parents on the Yorke Peninsula, facing or contemplating family law challenges, I urge you to seek professional advice.

The system is daunting, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially if your children’s voices aren’t being heard. But you don’t have to go through it alone. The law is supposed to protect children’s best interests, and while the current system may not always reflect that, we can keep advocating for change—one case at a time.

Let’s work towards a system that truly listens to our kids and protects their well-being, instead of forcing them into traumatic situations because the adults around them aren’t equipped to understand their needs.

If we don’t act, we’ll have an entire generation growing up thinking that their voices don’t matter. And that’s a risk none of us should be willing to take.